THE QUEST FOR IDENTITY| UNDERSTANDING ADOPTED CHILDREN’S DESIRE TO CONNECT WITH THEIR ROOTS

Cuma Pantshwa

• Adopted children often feel a deep-seated need to connect with their heritage, biological origins, and cultural roots.
• This desire goes beyond mere curiosity, driven by an innate need to understand identity and forge a connection with one’s past.
• Renowned South African orator Mr Zolani Mkiva explains that for many, reconnecting with birth families and ancestral ties is a spiritual journey toward self-understanding and mental healing. 

It is not uncommon for adopted children to seek to understand their heritage, biological origins, and cultural roots. Many feel a deep curiosity about their background, and as they grow older, the desire to connect with their birth families and learn more about their genetic and cultural makeup often intensifies. Renowned South African orator Mr Zolani Mkiva shed light on this issue, discussing the innate drive adopted children feel to reconnect with their roots.

Take the story of Thandi* (not her real name). She was adopted by a family in the Netherlands and longed to understand where she came from. At just 22, Thandi’s journey to trace her biological parents led to a virtual reunion with her birth family in South Africa in October—an emotional, life-changing experience. Her search was made possible by the collaborative efforts of South Africa’s Department of Social Development and several international child protection agencies, which work tirelessly to assist adopted individuals in reuniting with their families.

Mr Mkiva began the discussion by highlighting spirituality as a root cause and broader theme underlying adopted children’s desire to connect with their roots. He noted that this desire often transcends mere curiosity; it is part of an innate need to understand one’s identity and place in the world. For many adopted children, knowing where they come from is not just about understanding their biological parents but about bridging the gap between their past and present.

“When we are born, as Africans, before we adopt any religion or belief system, the primary thing that informs our baseline is our spirituality. Spirituality is the foundation of everything,” Mr Mkiva explained.

He further emphasised that this is particularly relevant for those who have been separated from their roots, whether through adoption, forced migration, or historical injustices like slavery. Mr Mkiva stressed that when this inherent need for connection is unmet, it can lead to profound psychological and emotional consequences, including mental health challenges.

“The mental health situation in the diaspora is a significant challenge because many of our people left the continent through slavery and the slave trade. Now, because these individuals are not performing certain rituals and are living in foreign communities, they often display odd behaviours and high levels of mental illness,” he continued.

Underscoring the gravity of the issue, Mr Mkiva added, “This is something that cannot be undermined, and that is why some people embark on a pilgrimage—going back home in order to seek proper healing.” Drawing a parallel with the descendants of enslaved Africans, he pointed out that disconnection from their ancestral homeland and cultural practices has long-lasting effects on mental and emotional well-being.

The stress of displacement, identity loss, and the severing of ancestral connections can weigh heavily on individuals and communities for generations. Reflecting on Thandi’s journey to find her biological mother, he suggested it was a deep spiritual calling—not just about returning to a physical location but also about finding peace and mental restoration. “Reconnecting with her ancestral ties is an essential part of healing; it’s not only about tracing bloodlines but about understanding the full scope of who she is.”

Africans have long been rooted in oral traditions, where understanding identity plays a pivotal role. Mr Mkiva explained that to understand oneself, one must understand and know one’s ancestors. “This serves two purposes: self-appreciation and an appreciation of one’s background, and it also involves recording one’s oral history—our way of being—so we can pass on current knowledge to future generations. This, in turn, ensures the preservation, protection, and promotion of one’s identity, history, and lineage,” he stated.

Mr Mkiva’s reflections serve as a powerful reminder of the beauty and complexity of human nature, even in an increasingly globalised world. When Thandi’s biological brother dreamt of an infant girl resembling their mother—years before Ms Dineo Monaheng informed her children about Thandi—it highlighted a deep, spiritual connection to their biological family. “That profound dream is testament to the spiritual bond with her biological family. Often, when people are unaware of certain circumstances affecting their families, communication may come through or reveal itself to one of the family members and can become persistent if ignored,” Mr Mkiva explained. He added that when such vivid dreams occur, it usually signifies a strong desire for connection from the other side (Thandi, in this case). “The feeling—there’s a strong connection present, and that is the depth of our spirituality,” he emphasised.

Mr Mkiva affirmed that Thandi’s story is not unique; it serves as a reminder of the deep spiritual dimensions and interconnectedness within adoption. He commended the Department of Social Development for its role in reuniting Thandi with her family, noting that DSD plays a crucial role in protecting children and strengthening families. By keeping these vital records, DSD helps individuals trace their origins and connect with their biological families, allowing them to better understand their past and, ultimately, shape their future.