QINA MFELOKAZI: WOMEN’S MONTH FROM WIDOWS’ PERSPECTIVES

By Nomfundo Xulu-Lentsoane 

• Widows like Siyanda Ntamo-Mqhayi experience mixed emotions during Women’s Month, feeling both a sense of celebration and continued oppression, particularly from women in their late husbands’ families.
• Widows face financial hardships due to high tax rates on their late husbands’ estates and lack of clear information on pensions. Socially, they often feel neglected and unsupported by their communities and former friends.
• The Qina Mfelokazi foundation, established in 2014, offers widows support, information, and a sense of sisterhood. They advocate for widows’ rights and provide resources to help them become self-sufficient, such as food parcels and agricultural supplies.

“Women’s Month can be a painful time for us as widows. It is, however, a poignant reminder of the struggles women faced before us, especially those who marched to the Union Buildings on 9 August 1956,” said Siyanda Ntamo-Mqhayi during the International Widows’ Day commemoration in Mthatha on the 30th of July.

As Women’s Month is celebrated, Siyanda expresses mixed emotions. “We celebrate the month as women because we remain women at the end of the day, but we cannot forget that, as widows, we are still oppressed—especially by women in our husbands’ families,” she shares, recounting the challenges she faced in organising her youngest son’s Ulwaluko (a cultural circumcision ritual). “My sister-in-law told me that, being husbandless, I couldn’t conduct any ceremony for my son. She claimed authority as my late husband’s sister. It hurt, but I didn’t give up.”

Known as Siya among her peers, she explains that her most significant struggles since losing her husband in 2006 have often come from other women in her circle, including her in-laws.

She was 31 years old when her husband passed away.

“The oppression by other women is pervasive. The belief that a woman belongs in the kitchen, even from sisters-in-law, persists. I am speaking to you while wearing the makoti (wife) outfit I swore I’d never wear again after being mistreated by the women in my husband’s family. I wear it now only because of a family bereavement and my duty to adhere to African customs. Our social circle, with whom we once held family gatherings, has all but vanished,” she adds.

Siya describes the neglect she felt from the ‘ladies’ corner,’ whom she thought were friends, soon after her husband’s death. “I had no one to turn to as a mother of two boys. My eldest was 12, and my youngest was five. They knew my husband’s friends as omalume (uncles) because we were close-knit,” she elaborates.

She soon realised there was a growing distance between her and omalume’s wives. “I was seeking fatherly advice for my soon-to-be teenage son from the men they had known all their lives. I believed these men would help explain the situation caused by their father’s passing.

“I didn’t know I was stepping on their wives’ toes. I thought we were sisters who would support each other during difficult times. I needed them, and my children needed their omalume. They assumed I wanted to steal their husbands since I no longer had one,” says Siya, who is an active member of the Non-Profit Organisation (NPO) Qina Mfelokazi.

Now 52, Siya recounts falling into a deep depression, feeling isolated, especially after her supportive father-in-law passed away in 2013. “It was bad enough being mistreated by my sisters-in-law, who accused me of squandering my late husband’s estate. I pay more taxes on it than what I received, while trying to keep our household running. Doing all the administrative work without support made me miserable—and it still does,” she says.

In 2017, while browsing social media, she saw a poster for a march advocating for widows’ rights organised by the Qina Mfelokazi foundation. She inquired about joining the march and the organisation, feeling she needed a supportive shoulder to lean on.

Siya felt alone, unsupported, and abandoned. She even considered resigning from her job to reduce her tax burden, which was overwhelming her finances, as she and her husband were both government employees.

“The South African Revenue Service (SARS) deducts R9,000 monthly from my salary due to funds I received from my late husband’s estate. I don’t earn much and now live hand to mouth to support my household and children. I’m not coping financially. I don’t fully understand what the Spouse/Widow’s Pension entails. The Government Employees Pension Fund (GEPF) hasn’t clearly explained how it works,” she expresses.

Widows, despite days like International Widows’ Day, often feel unrecognised in Women’s Month’s daily programmes.

Echoing Siya’s sentiments is Dolly Ncebi, secretary of the Qina Mfelokazi foundation.

“Many widows have no choice but to work due to the high taxes on funds received from our late husbands. No one informed us about the steps to take when claiming from their insurances. If Women’s Month helped us learn more, we could better navigate these issues.

“Being included in these programmes would make us feel appreciated. We often walk in the dark, but Qina Mfelokazi, founded in 2014, aims to provide each other with as much information as possible. We guide each other where we can. We shouldn’t be looked down upon by our communities or other women. We must stand firm and fight for our Constitutional right to information,” she says.

Dolly notes that they often face ridicule when seeking help from their communities.

“We often feel that our communities think we lose half our minds when we lose our husbands. We lack respect, especially from other women. At Qina Mfelokazi, we strive to correct these perceptions, offer psychosocial support, and form a sisterhood. We do not discriminate by age or socio-economic status. We are a family.

“This August, we will celebrate with other women and mothers, but we’ll also run our own outreach programme in Nqeleni, Mthatha, Eastern Cape, where we’ll provide vulnerable widows with food parcels, vegetable seeds, and chicklets for self-sustainability,” she concludes.