HEALING WOUNDS: A MOTHER-DAUGHTER JOURNEY AT THE INTERGENERATIONAL DIALOGUE SESSION

By Precious Mupenzi

• A healing space has emerged at the Wanderers Club in Illovo, Johannesburg, where families gather to rebuild their bonds, exemplified by Tafat Adams and her daughter Kaylee, who confront their relationship challenges.
• Tafat, a single mother of three facing immense struggles, seeks to protect her grandchildren while mending her relationship with Kaylee, whose feelings of invisibility and being misunderstood have strained their connection.
• Under the guidance of psychologist Dr. Marcia Zikhali, the pair uncover deep-seated communication barriers, learning the importance of empathy and open dialogue, which offers hope for their transformative journey together.

A space of healing has emerged as families gather to mend their bonds at the Wanderers Club in Illovo, Johannesburg. Among the participants were Tafat Adams (40) and her 17-year-old daughter, Kaylee, both ready to confront the unspoken challenges that have strained their relationship. With open hearts and a shared desire for understanding, they stood prepared to embark on a journey filled with hope and empathy, eager to embrace the transformative potential of the session.

Tafat, a resilient single mother of three, has faced trials that would break many. She is not only raising her two grandchildren but also dealing with the heartbreak of watching her eldest daughter fall into the grip of substance abuse. She carries the heavy burden of concern for her eldest daughter, who is pregnant with her third child and living on the streets, grappling with addiction. This situation weighs heavily on Tafat’s heart as she strives to protect her two grandchildren while nurturing her relationship with Kaylee.

“It is like living in a nightmare. I never imagined my daughter would end up like this. I tried everything—rehabilitation and support groups—but she just kept slipping away,” Tafat admits.

The weight of her daughter’s choices has left Tafat feeling helpless, yet she clings to the hope that she can protect her grandchildren and guide her remaining daughter, Kaylee, toward a brighter future. “I stopped everything to attend this session. I need to mend our relationship,” she says, her determination shining through her pain.

Kaylee, on the other hand, feels the invisible walls that have built up between her and her mother.

“It’s hard to talk to her. I just want her to listen, to understand where I am coming from without shutting me down. It feels like I am just a kid in her eyes, not someone with my own thoughts and feelings,” she shares.

In a session facilitated by Dr. Marcia Zikhali, a psychologist, discussions revealed the deep-seated communication barriers between the two. For Tafat, it was a moment of revelation.

“I realised that I have been too controlling, not giving her space to express herself. I need to change that,” Tafat reflects.

“I just want to be heard. Sometimes I feel like I have to distance myself to protect my feelings.” Kaylee nods in agreement. The struggle for understanding hung in the air, as both mother and daughter acknowledged their fears of losing each other. Tafat’s heart ached at the thought, and she leaned closer to Kaylee, a silent promise passing between them.

The session not only opened channels of communication but also shed light on the love that still binds them. The 40-year-old mother spoke of her fears as a parent—of losing not just her daughter, but the connection they once shared. “I never want to push her away. I just want to guide her, to be there for her,” she admitted.

As the day progressed, both Tafat and Kaylee began to see the importance of empathy in their relationship. They learned techniques to foster open dialogue and create a safe space for honest conversations. “I want to try harder,” Tafat declared, a newfound sense of hope blooming in her heart. “I want my daughter to know she can talk to me about anything.”

For Kaylee, the session was an eye-opener. “I can see now that she cares,” she said, a smile breaking through her earlier solemnity. “Maybe if we both work on this, we can really improve our relationship.”

This mother-daughter duo is not just participating in a programme; they are embarking on a transformative journey, armed with the tools to listen, understand, and love each other deeply. Their story is a testament to the resilience of family, the strength found in vulnerability, and the promise of new beginnings.